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Staff problems…

To North Wales this week for a much needed break after lockdown. Or is it? I do need a break – but only in the showbiz sense of the word and given my light workload over the last eighteen months, the last thing I need is a rest. A rest from what exactly? Resting?

Six couples in all with loads of kids in tow (but none of them ours, which is another story for another time) and with such an important wedding anniversary impending (and no kids) I wonder if this little break might have a sense of romance to it?

But any such hopes (of mine) are quickly scotched on the first night. Not by Nikki but by our dog, Tessa who has made the trip also and naturally, is sharing our hotel room. For such purposes, we packed Tessa’s specifically designed dog basket/bed which I naively thought she might use. Not a bit of it. Not when a human bed is there for the sharing. I ignore her most mournful looks and deliver some stern words, even adding a finger wag – but all to no avail. Lights out is her cue, she lands deftly, takes up position between us and proves to be immovable.

Our hotel is a country house dating back 500 years and even hosted Oliver Cromwell, hatching his plot to overthrow King Charles 1. And now in 2021 and maybe even in the same room, a comedian and writer is plotting how to overthrow (from his bed) a Staffordshire Bull Terrier in the hopes of celebrating a special anniversary. I note that Nikki is less put-out by our new sleeping arrangements but I don’t mention this.

Speaking of marriages – our hotel appears to be a go-to venue for weddings with its especially converted barns for dancing, eating and general revelry. During our stay, they even host a wedding on a Tuesday which begs the question, who gets married on such an unfashionable day? I suspect that the answer is couples who can’t afford a Saturday or simply that the back log after Covid is just so long. The weather is not very kind for the couples big day. Definitely the biggest Tuesday of their lives. Blustery, overcast and with a permanent threat of rain. The wedding photographer will need to work quickly.

I didn’t see the happy couple but the guests are unmistakable. Ladies in hats and shoes that look painful. Men in suits that look like they were purchased many seasons ago. On average, about 20 pounds ago and old people of course, making up the wedding party. Aunts, uncles and the odd Gran who probably won’t stay for long although this is not the case for one elderly lady who somehow managed to fall from her wheelchair and break her clavicle – that’s the collar bone to you and I.

Things are further complicated by the lady having brittle bones. I am unclear if this is because of her age or that she has the condition that afflicts some people. But this is a digression and irrelevant because there remains an elderly guest with a broken bone and in need of an ambulance.

And here’s the thing…

Next to the hotel is an enormous hospital and I mean literally next door to the hotel. I don’t mean down the road or just close by. I mean the very next building. And it’s a big hospital. So big that it even warrants a sign on the motorway – indicating where motorists should turn off.

Making the hotel ideally located as a wedding venue with inebriated guests becoming injured. Or not as things transpire because for a broken collar bone, the party are told to prepare for a six hour wait for an ambulance – even though the hospital is only hundreds of yards away (up the longish driveway from the hotel to the road). But I expect that the emergency operator/controller is not local and might even be abroad in our internet age and there is nothing anyone can do.

The hotel staff can’t assist either by driving the unfortunate patient up their drive, hang a right and right again, straight in to Accident and Emergency. Apparently, insurance is the issue because if the patient’s condition worsens, she would have grounds to sue. We need the rule of law of course and therefore we need lawyers but who’d be in personal injury? No doubt a good income but presumably such gains are tempered by the lack of sleep.

The wedding guests can’t oblige either – all pissed (drunk) perhaps – and they have a dance floor to fill – how the DJ must have been tempted to play the floor filler – Come on Eileen.

Late in to evening – well gone 10pm – an ambulance finally arrives and the poor lady is trended to and driven off – probably to a hospital many miles away just to complete the insanity of modern life.

And the reason for our wedding anniversary being special – well, it being our 27th – it will mean that I have been ensconced with Nikki for more years than I have been without.

A landmark lost on my beloved dog who is unwilling to concede any ground whatever and puts paid to any romantic interludes.

Tessa Holland literally keeping Mr and Mrs Holland apart and somehow managing to remain the most popular member of the household.

With Nikki anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

8 thoughts on “Staff problems…”

  1. Happy 27th anniversary Mr. H and Mrs. H.
    Mr. H, i’m so sorry you didn’t get to spend it the way you’d like,lol. Also, they say that rain on your wedding day is good luck because it signifies that your marriage will last. As you know, a knot that becomes wet is extremely hard to untie, so when you “tie the knot” on a rainy day, your marriage is supposedly just as hard to unravel. Now what they say about a broken clavicle on your wedding day, I have no idea,lol.

  2. Love this blog Dom. You paint the pictures so well with words!! The poor lady who fell, such a shame when she actually made it to the wedding. I’d much prefer to hear about gorgeous Tessa Holland than Cromwell anyday she’s a whole lot cuter!!Glad you and Nikki enjoyed the break. Hope you have a good week ahead 😊

  3. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!
    Dom, reading the blogs, I feel like you just pluck me up and stick me in your little world for a minute. 🙂 Not quite the celebration I’m sure you’d planned for but rain on the wedding is good luck! It sounds to me like Tessa is very good at being a dog hahah. Always love reading the blogs and hope you all are staying healthy.
    All the love,
    Nora

  4. Happy Anniversary! My 6 yr old Westie allows me to sleep in “her” queen bed as long as I stay to the very far edge with my pillow ready to fall off. When my boyfriend arrived after not seeing him for nearly 4 months, he climbed into bed and covered my Westie with kisses…then held her in his arms the entire night! Trust me when I say I feel your pain 😊

  5. I really enjoyed the blog this week!
    I really liked how you ended the blog especially; that’s so great that you and Nikki have spent more time together than apart your whole lives.
    That’s really cool that you could have Tessa in the hotel as well. I don’t know if that’s common in the UK or not, but it’s not an easy feat for where I live in the U.S..
    That sounds like a very interesting wedding, and an unfortunate event for the old grandmother. The weather sounds awesome though, in my opinion. Whenever I picture my wedding, the component that strikes out to me the most is that I always picture a bolt of lightning flashing right in the middle of our vows. Storms are cool!
    Looking forward to next week’s blog!

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