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Dog walking etiquette

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Dog walking has opened up a whole new world to me.

Dogs tend to play with each other and so naturally, their owners get chatting and I dare say, some owners go on to play with each other as well?

And living in leafy Surrey and close to Richmond Park – there is definitely a dog walker type and an unofficial dog hierarchy. Mainly pedigree dogs of course – black labs being terribly popular this year darling and the fashionable designer cross breeds of course – and only the occasional mongrel which are sneered at until the owner trumps everyone by announcing that it was rescued.

This morning I got chatting to a frightfully well-to-do Richmond laydee – whose bitch was in season and I expressed surprise that she hadn’t had her spayed – because isn’t that what all people do?

The laydee looked at me disapprovingly and I started to flounder.

Er, unless you want to breed her of course – you know, sell the puppies…

Now, the laydee was aghast.

Sell the puppies? Do I look like I need to sell puppies? My husband is a QC…

And floundering even more now, I went on – because isn’t it messy, I asked?

I beg your pardon.

Well, don’t they bleed?

When discussing female reproduction, the words ‘season’, ‘cycle’ and even period are perfectly acceptable – and I have discovered, the word, ‘bleed’ is not.

This dog owner was now ashen and starting to stagger backwards.

And still I wasn’t finished…

I mean, doesn’t her cycle cause a mess and ruin your carpets?

At this, the laydee almost passed out because I was inferring that she lived in a house with carpets and not sold oak floors or Italian Porcelain like the rest of Surrey and she turned her heel and was off with her horny bitch – presumably to find a dog of a certain lineage with ideally an owner in a waxed jacket…

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