This is an odd featured image but there is a good reason for it and which I will get to shortly.
Because it has happened again.
I received another email from Google explaining in google-speak that I have infringed their rules and that my Google AdSense account is suspended.
This is irksome but it is not going to keep me awake at night. I have a prostate gland that does this already.
During lockdown, I might not be gigging but an average AdSense income of £0.50p per day – is not exactly a game changer.
“Had some heavy traffic on my blog today. Okay people, let’s eat.”
The email suggested that I should familiarise myself with Google’s AdSense rules and regulations, to understand my transgressions and to adjust my behaviour, so that my account can be reactivated.
To assist me here, Google kindly provided a link to their terms and conditions. My finger hovered…
Like most of my readers, or even all of you, I have never read any rules and regulations for anything. Even important stuff, like mortgages.
‘Yep, whatever pal. 25 years. Sure. No problem. Sign here, right?’
Which I don’t say as some sort of boast. That I am a maverick. Or worse, that I’m one of these creative types, too busy being ‘creative’ and out-there to waste my time on such banalities.
It’s just I figure, that my life is too short to read such stuff.
“Hey Dom, you fancy a round of golf?”
“Love to, but I’m upgrading my phone, so I need to check out their terms – you know, in-case they’ve changed since…”
But as I’ve said before – waste-not-want-not and look after the pennies… and 50p+/day all adds up and so, I contacted the IT people at Dominic Holland Inc and set them to work.
This is nonsense of course. There isn’t a DH Incorporation and I don’t have any people, let alone IT people.
What I mean is, I phoned a friend.
Said friend probably groaned a little (maybe even a lot) but agreed to dig around for me and guess what they found?
What heinous crime had I committed?
Was it a swipe up/RT or like from a famous son, any one of my four – because using modern fame metrics and parlance, all my boys are now more famous than me – causing my site traffic to spike?
No. Apparently, big traffic is not a problem.
What then? What have I done?
Have I been furiously clicking on the adverts that feature on my site?
No, I have not. I don’t want a new bath.
How have I upset Mr and Mrs Google?
Regular readers of this blog will never guess and so I will just tell you…
“Graphic and Adult content.”
This hits me hard.
In my stand-up, whilst I am not Brian Regan clean – my swear count is low. I don’t do politics. I don’t take positions on twitter and my blog – by far the most successful thing I have ever produced – is solid fare, easily written and eminently shareable. (This is a hint btw).
So imagine my surprise to be reprimanded for “adult and graphic content,”
Have I been hacked?
No. Turns out that it was my content alright.
It was a picture I posted as a featured image.
Even my most ardent readers will never guess what this image is – and because the offending blog has been taken down, there is no point scrolling through my archive.
It was photos of my BROKEN LEG!
Incurred because I am a moron who should never be allowed anywhere near a kid’s scooter.
And to think, that this injury which kept me off my feet for four months and out of work – in many years to come would cause me even more financial hardship.
My clever friend appealed to Mr and Mrs G’s human side and got my site reinstated for AdSense – and so if you share this post – you will be putting food on the Holland table. Albeit, not much – a bread roll perhaps, but in these straitened times…
And now you understand now the featured image for this post. Because how can anyone find kittens offensive?
If like me, you like your song birds and these little cuties will grow in to cats. And to think that cats kill millions of beautiful little birds every year – and just for fun. Not even to eat. No. Just because they can.
Some people could be offended by this and so, I think we can all agree that finding something offensive is subjective.
That said, rest assured, I will not be posting any further images of any of my appendages I have broken or do break in the future. And if I do, it will indicate that either my books or my Patreon have taken off and in which case, Mr and Mrs G can shove their money up their…