Not again!

cats

This is an odd featured image but there is a good reason for it and which I will get to shortly.

Because it has happened again.

I received another email from Google explaining in google-speak that I have infringed their rules and that my Google AdSense account is suspended.

This is irksome but it is not going to keep me awake at night. I have a prostate gland that does this already.

During lockdown, I might not be gigging but an average AdSense income of £0.50p per day – is not exactly a game changer.

“Had some heavy traffic on my blog today. Okay people, let’s eat.”

The email suggested that I should familiarise myself with Google’s AdSense rules and regulations, to understand my transgressions and to adjust my behaviour, so that my account can be reactivated.

To assist me here, Google kindly provided a link to their terms and conditions. My finger hovered…

Like most of my readers, or even all of you, I have never read any rules and regulations for anything. Even important stuff, like mortgages.

‘Yep, whatever pal. 25 years. Sure. No problem. Sign here, right?’

Which I don’t say as some sort of boast. That I am a maverick.  Or worse, that I'm one of these creative types, too busy being 'creative' and out-there to waste my time on such banalities.

It’s just I figure, that my life is too short to read such stuff.

“Hey Dom, you fancy a round of golf?”

“Love to, but I’m upgrading my phone, so I need to check out their terms – you know, in-case they’ve changed since…”

But as I’ve said before – waste-not-want-not and look after the pennies… and 50p+/day all adds up and so, I contacted the IT people at Dominic Holland Inc and set them to work.

This is nonsense of course. There isn’t a DH Incorporation and I don’t have any people, let alone IT people.

What I mean is, I phoned a friend.

Said friend probably groaned a little (maybe even a lot) but agreed to dig around for me and guess what they found?

What heinous crime had I committed?

Was it a swipe up/RT or like from a famous son, any one of my four - because using modern fame metrics and parlance, all my boys are now more famous than me – causing my site traffic to spike?

No. Apparently, big traffic is not a problem.

What then? What have I done?

Have I been furiously clicking on the adverts that feature on my site?

No, I have not. I don’t want a new bath.

Then, what?

How have I upset Mr and Mrs Google?

Regular readers of this blog will never guess and so I will just tell you…

“Graphic and Adult content.”

This hits me hard.

‘What?’

In my stand-up, whilst I am not Brian Regan clean – my swear count is low. I don’t do politics. I don’t take positions on twitter and my blog – by far the most successful thing I have ever produced – is solid fare, easily written and eminently shareable. (This is a hint btw).

So imagine my surprise to be reprimanded for “adult and graphic content,”

Have I been hacked?

No. Turns out that it was my content alright.

It was a picture I posted as a featured image.

Even my most ardent readers will never guess what this image is – and because the offending blog has been taken down, there is no point scrolling through my archive.

It was photos of my BROKEN LEG!

Incurred because I am a moron who should never be allowed anywhere near a kid’s scooter.

And to think, that this injury which kept me off my feet for four months and out of work – in many years to come would cause me even more financial hardship.

My clever friend appealed to Mr and Mrs G’s human side and got my site reinstated for AdSense – and so if you share this post – you will be putting food on the Holland table. Albeit, not much - a bread roll perhaps, but in these straitened times…

And now you understand now the featured image for this post. Because how can anyone find kittens offensive?

Well…

If like me, you like your song birds and these little cuties will grow in to cats. And to think that cats kill millions of beautiful little birds every year – and just for fun. Not even to eat. No. Just because they can.

Some people could be offended by this and so, I think we can all agree that finding something offensive is subjective.

That said, rest assured, I will not be posting any further images of any of my appendages I have broken or do break in the future. And if I do, it will indicate that either my books or my Patreon have taken off and in which case, Mr and Mrs G can shove their money up their...

 

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36 Comments

  1. Hannah May 3, 2020
    Reply

    Your blogs have honestly made my Sunday’s ! I don’t know how to explain it but I think it’s really grounding to read about your everyday life situations and stories. Thank you for writing them ! They have made my anxiety a lot better especially when I am overthinking and I appreciate it a lot. Also, not to do with this part in particular but just thought I would mention it that the trust your family has is incredible and very admirable, it’s amazing to see the work you do and the effort you go to help smaller communities that may not be noticed as much. I don’t know what the word is to say but I just wanted to say thank your for everything you & your family do (including the blogs) and have also just ordered myself another brothers trust top in isolation to help 🙂

    • Dom May 3, 2020
      Reply

      that’s kind of you to say – and happy that the blogs can help.

    • Daisy May 3, 2020
      Reply

      Funnily enough, I downloaded a new app yesterday and I clicked on to read the terms and conditions for once. I got one sentence in and gave up. Can they not put it into a video or something to make it easier? Haha, loved the blog.

    • Aimee May 3, 2020
      Reply

      We were just talking about this very thing at lunch! My husband had a video removed recently due to “graphic features” that had been on there for 10 years! Absolutely absurd. We also talked about the Marvel quiz this week, which was a highlight. My 15 year old daughter (my youngest) hasn’t giggled that much in long time. I look forward to your Sunday blogs! Your bird blog had me in stitches because dang it, if it haven’t been noticing the birds more! Happy Sunday!

  2. Sydnee Coleman May 3, 2020
    Reply

    Well written blog, Mr. H and then with this I shall I add a bread roll to your table

  3. Wendy May 3, 2020
    Reply

    “Graphic and Adult Content” – I howled. Oh man, your blog couldn’t be farther from that, and then you mentioned the injured foot and it makes sense but it’s still crazy. You then mentioned who wouldn’t be offended by Kittens, but your son said in his live stream that he doesn’t like cats very much, so probably him, and maybe a few other ‘non’ cat people. Hopefully they won’t get removed for being too adorable. I personally love cats, and this blog.

  4. Yasmin May 3, 2020
    Reply

    This is brilliant
    Have been reading your blog for a while now and I honestly never thought that u could laugh at my phone screen this hard
    Yet here I am
    Thanks for the amazing blogs Dom

  5. David F. May 3, 2020
    Reply

    Tom doesn’t like this pic
    Anyway, love your blogs!

  6. Freya May 3, 2020
    Reply

    Your blogs honestly are something to look forward too. Especially today, the end of week 6 in lockdown . I ordered a copy of open links yesterday and am now looking forward to reading that.
    Hope you are all staying safe.

  7. David F. May 3, 2020
    Reply

    Tom doesn’t like this pic
    Anyway, I love your blogs!

    • Lorna-Marie May 3, 2020
      Reply

      Thank you for another great blog. It was great to read after work. I don’t get copyright or infridements. However, I too din’t read rules or terms of conditions. I am very guilty in ticking the box to agree to the terms I failed to read! Scroll down, yeap, yeso, blah blah blah. Tick agreed! Sometime down the line. “Well, you dud agree to the terms!”
      “I didn’t not!”
      “You ticked that you agreed”.
      “Who, honoestly reads that?”

      Also, I like to try put items together, without the use of instructions. “I can so figure this out myself”…. 3 hours later…

      I have had videos taken off You Tube or adverts now attached due to copyright. These are on things I have posted years ago. Some poor bugger has the job of watching these videos to try and find anything that can be an infridement etc. One was a gig that a brand copany copyrighted, just because they had their name on an advert that was in the background of my video….

      I will have to report you for the cute cat photo though, as I am a dog person. Hehehe!

  8. Fernanda May 3, 2020
    Reply

    Dear Dom,
    I totally agree with you- finding something offensive is subjective. Like a professor once said: “Offense does not exist. If someone says you are something, there are just 2 possibilities- it’s true, or false. If it’s true, that’s reality, not an offense. And if it’s false, than it’s not real, so you should just let it go”.
    However, in this case, I guess Mr. and Mrs. G just need to wear glasses. And I find it insane how bad things, such as breaking a leg, can reverberate for so much time, causing other problems… That has already happened to all of us, I guess.
    And about that picture of cute kittens, it’s adorable… However, as you said, there might be people who can find it potencially offensive (your son Tom, for example, hates cats and didn’t go live with a person who had a cat in their profile photo on Instagram, during Massive Marvel Pub Quiz. So, I guess if you ask him, he can point out some offenses or even dangers in that picture… ).
    Joking apart, I would like to ask you (no offense) if you have ever read these two books: Days of Glory (Frederic Villiers), or The Faber Book of Diaries (Simon Brett). If so, and if you have them, perhaps posting pictures of books is quite not offensive, and even Mr. and Mrs. G can find it very clever, recognizing your blog and texts as culturally important and educational (which is true, and therefore, not offensive)…
    Best regards,
    Fer.

  9. Jess May 3, 2020
    Reply

    “Mr. and Mrs. Google” had me in a fit!

  10. Lorraine May 3, 2020
    Reply

    Poor you Dom. Mr & Mrs Google just won’t let you be. Great blog today. Hope you’re not saving for a holiday on the income provided by them. Tom won’t approve of the photo as it is of cats -and we all know how he feels about them!! Fantastic fun on Wednesday night for the quiz for the Brothers Trust. Have a good week and stay safe.

  11. Jane Nova May 3, 2020
    Reply

    I even don’t know how to comment on this situation because it sounds a little bit ridiculous and preposterous to the listeners. But I’m pretty sure that if such an occasion happened to me it wouldn’t be so funny anymore. Well, we’ll never know how Google’s logic works, therefore there’s still no need to read rules and regulations…

  12. Pamela May 3, 2020
    Reply

    Love the Sunday blogs! Also enjoyed listening to your podcast with Sam! Patreon is great and I am really glad I joined! Mr & Mrs Google have lost their marbles if they consider a photo of a broken leg after surgery “graphic and adult content”!! My co-worker found out the hard way when googling a photo to show her class and clicked on images! Needless to say, highly inappropriate pics showed up on the site! A good laugh afterwards, but she has never done that since!! Amazing what they consider graphic and adult content on one thing but it’s ok on another!!

    • Dom May 3, 2020
      Reply

      Gonna need your help Pam if I am to write a sequel to OIA.

  13. Victoria May 3, 2020
    Reply

    I love reading your blogs.; they make me laugh. Today was no exception. “Mr. and Mrs. Google” had me laughing out loud! I definitely don’t read terms and agreements on any site or app. It’s been 50 days since my quarantine started, and I have yet to get bored enough to read the terms and agreements on any site or app.

    And about that cat thing. I dislike cats. We have one, and he’s very kind. He looks mean but will fall on the floor when you touch him. That’s the only benefit. One day he was “playing” with a baby bird. The bird didn’t die; my parents moved the bird. The cat peed in our house, he sheds, his claws are extremely sharp.

  14. Carla May 3, 2020
    Reply

    And what they should be stopping, they don’t stop… (Loved the kittens btw haha). I hope you don’t break anything in the future haha! Lots of love!

  15. Emilee May 3, 2020
    Reply

    I really look forward to the Sunday blogs. Thank you for sharing. This one made me laugh extra hard…Brian Reagan clean, Mr and Mrs Google, kittens …

  16. Beth May 3, 2020
    Reply

    “Adult and graphic content”? Bloody hell if you lost your Google ad for a photo of your injury I think every website should lose their privileges! What BS!

  17. Mia May 3, 2020
    Reply

    Once again a brilliant blog, I always enjoy your blogs and because it is Monday I am doing schoolwork all day so to wake up and see a new blog put a big smile on my face. Thank you so much

  18. Toba May 3, 2020
    Reply

    Thanks, is a pleasure to read your stories. Please if your family does another quiz or activity could be in the weekend, I work so will be awesome to watch it live.

  19. Roc May 4, 2020
    Reply

    I am a new reader of this blog, having come across it during these lock-down times. I am grateful that I have, not just for the humor but also for your wit and wisdom in describing some of what it takes to create content that will consistently be judged by others. Care, but not too much. Be confident in what you have to offer. Part of my job is speaking weekly in front of audiences, and I sometimes find the vulnerability hard (especially right now, as it has shifted from in-person to online!). Yet when I recently watched your “three blokes, two sofas” podcast, I was reminded how being exposed is just part of the process, and you can’t stop people from judging you. Thanks for the reminder that what we can do, however, is just laugh it off.

  20. Márcia Malaquias May 4, 2020
    Reply

    Hi Mr. Holland 🙂
    Mr. G is with malicious
    Cats are cute but I disgust cats and I don’t trust them (treacherous) sorry!
    ❤️

  21. Faaiz May 4, 2020
    Reply

    Recently, I’m getting very offended by your first son, lol. I’m just kidding!
    I actually never knew that cats killed millions of birds. Thanks for telling your viewers!

  22. M. May 4, 2020
    Reply

    I never used to be a cat fan, but we got them out of necessity. We have a lot of open land around us. Trust me, I would much rather have a cat than a mouse in the house! Our cats have done a great job and have earned my respect, and now I have a love for these beautiful creatures!!
    P.S. Have a Happy Birthday later this week!

  23. Vic May 4, 2020
    Reply

    Ah, so this is why y’all don’t like cats…
    Entertaining as always and with an exquisite vocabulary.

  24. Mia May 4, 2020
    Reply

    once again a great blog, it is a monday which means i am back to school work and to wake up and see a new blog completely made my day and i can’t thank you enough Dom

  25. Kaitlyn May 4, 2020
    Reply

    I should not be awake at 9 a.m. when I haven’t slept all night, but this was my reaction when you revealed what pictures: “Aw, I liked those pictures.” I meant liked in a ‘nursing student who found those pictures interesting’ way. But I’m not one to talk. Not a lot of medical-related things get me queasy anymore. Also, a week ago when I commented that I passed my sophomore nursing school exams on your ‘key finding’ blog, you responded “get in” and that confused me greatly. I don’t know if you meant “get it”, but that would make a lot more sense since I’m already in nursing school.

  26. Tina Sarms May 7, 2020
    Reply

    Belated happy birthday Dom! ☺️ This isn’t exactly a great time to celebrate, but hope it was a great year for you nonetheless!

  27. Júlia May 21, 2020
    Reply

    Since i’m allergic to cats i think i’ll be contacting Mr. and Mrs. Google to get this sorted out… (i like to pretend that i’m funny, i really hope that you don’t get offended haha). Quarantine has been driving me crazy and making my anxiety worse but reading your blog distracts me – in the nicest way possible – so thank you so much for that. Hope your safe and healthy (Even if that means not posting any broken legs pics for a little while)

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