Back in the day, I used to do what became affectionately known in the Holland household as “The Fruit Bowl.”
Each morning, I would pulverise a load of fruit and veg through an angry and loud machine to produce a juice drink in the hope that the Holland boys would grow to be big and strong.
Hmm… this didn’t really work out so well and it must be said that no one really embraced “The Fruit Bowl” quite as much as me.
But it did bear fruit, as it were…
Because it led to me writing a screenplay called yep, you guessed it… The Fruit Bowl which I sold (twice) and just as the film project finally died, I completed the novel, now entitled A Man’s Life – which I published with great verve – and regrettably I repeat that no one really embraced this project quite as much as I did.
And so it might be a folly then for me to launch another “Fruit Bowl” in the Holland household?
Rather annoyingly, it seems that I have succumbed to on-line marketing. My inbox and various pop-ups started to feature swanky looking juicing machines – videos featuring thin lines of pure liquid goodness cascading in to a crystal glass with immaculate kitchens as a backdrop – and wow, so easy to clean… My interest was piqued, I could feel myself being manoeuvred in to position.
Was I identified by shear pot luck or had I been targeted by the fiendishly clever on-line marketeers? Perhaps some big cheese at Amazon had recently read “A Man’s Life” and set his minions to work?
I know. This is unlikely, I hear you.
Anyway, the machine duly arrived and I started to get up a half hour early; marvelling at how even spinach has juice to offer…
Our three eldest boys are currently away and staying in hotels that provide such juice anyway and so Paddy is bearing the brunt of his dad’s new found enthusiasm. Paddy is difficult at breakfast at the best of times; waiting for his Weetabix to turn in to sludge before declaring it inedible and leaving me with the guilt of its disposal. A glass of green juice with unknown ingredients hardly raises his spirits.
It is early days with my new machine. We are only day two in – and I would say the signs are not great. Like the bread maker before it, this machine might not remain in use for that much longer and certainly it will not rival the toaster or kettle.
So the marketeers are the winners then and on a day when the news bulletins explain ‘peak stuff’ with retail sales plummeting.
Maybe I am just gullible and impressionable – and if so, then I am relieved that I ever managed to avoid the penis extension emails that used to fill up my in-box on a regular basis.
But nothing ventured and all that…
And on this, today I am uploading the digital files of the manuscript and book cover of I,Gabriel… another latest punt of mine – my latest novel and only a few years in the writing. Needless to say, I have high hopes for.
If only I had the on-line marketing skills of the charlatans who sold me a juicer that apparently is easy to clean!
I, Gabriel will be published soon. Not sure exactly which date, but definitely this year…