Who Knew?

books

There might be many millions of writers out there but only a tiny minority who make a living at it. And for the large remainder, perhaps the romantic notion of just writing is enough?

As ‘writing’ goes there is an obvious hierarchy; headed up by the professionals….

Those who write screenplays which become movies. Then, perhaps the writers for TV. Less vaunted now but for how long with streaming now ruling the waves?

Novelists of course. First, the authors with actual publishers and then the self-published.  And topping the pile, the best-selling authors. Household names, so famous they just need one name: Rowling, King, Grisham…

Then journalists? Those columnists and pundits, the critics and feature writers and reporters… and a raft of on-line scribes too.

The trade writers. Experts in their field, no matter how oblique. And let’s not forget the academics writing our text books.

And continuing on down we go…

Until finally, we hit the bottom and reach the bloggers.

To quote Robert Downey Jnr in Spider-Man Homecoming – Tony Stark talking to Peter Parker,  “…through there Peter are the word’s press, proper writers. No bloggers…”

I am a blogger. And an independently published author. My screenplays have never been filmed. This means that on the ladder of professional writers, I am seriously looking up.

I don’t say this to be mawkish, in a woe is me kind of way. I like my blog. I enjoy writing it. People enjoy reading it. At least they tell me that they do. And they are plentiful, according to Google analytics anyway. My blog punctuates my week. I like having something to do. A deadline and an expectant audience and it being every Sunday, maybe they are my congregation.

Not that periodically, I don’t look up at this metaphorical ladder. I peer at the writers above me and sometimes I wonder. I might read a novel that is flying high and I ask myself how?  Or read a column that I wished I hadn’t because life is too short.

Like all bloggers I have ambitions to ascend these rungs but without the wherewithal and why I was pleased to recently be introduced by a mutual friend to a real life pro writer. A bestselling novelist. In production with various screenplays and featuring regularly in newspapers.

She was kind enough to read my work. First, Eclipsed and then in order, The Fruit Bowl. I, Gabriel, Open Links and Takes on Life. This is a lot of my words and by someone I have only just got to know. I have members of my own family who haven’t shown such commitment and I have known them forever.

Then she started on my blog and asked why I don’t have a column in a newspaper.

Er…

A flattering question but not easy to answer. Where to start?

My answer is unsatisfactory and she resolves to put me in the frame. Apparently, she knows people and mentions some lofty titles. I thank her but privately I scoff. And also I fret because Nikki has been suggesting for years that I should try to get my blog published.

My new best friend suggests that I write a couple of articles for her to submit.

To show willing (and desperation?), I quickly write six and fire them over.

She submits two. They ask for more and she follows up with the remaining four. These are well received also and maybe I begin to believe.

I am conflicted though because if this comes off, the downside will be Nikki…

“I told you. You never listen to me. How long have I been saying…”

But then it goes quiet as these things often do. Such magazines are inundated. Much more famous writers than me are submitting their stuff.

Dominic, who?

But my new friend assures me I’m in with a shout. Apparently, my writing has resonated.

Even so, I reason my chances are slim.

But then the editor calls my friend. A friend I have never met btw. They are surprised that a man as wealthy as Dominic Holland would be seeking a column.

They have done an online search and found a site proclaiming that…  “….since Dominic Holland became famous, he has accrued a net worth of…

Wait for it.

…£17 million quid”

I know, who knew?

Not me. I wasn’t even aware of being “famous” let alone loaded.

My friend sends me the link and sure enough, there it is, the remarkable figure of 17 million quid. I have some serious searching to do. And questions to answer, like why the hell do I still have a mortgage?

We’re told never to believe anything we read in newspapers – and this applies to stuff on-line also.

And yet people still do believe what they read, obviously.

Including my wife and she is furious. Absolutely spitting feathers. Her husband is worth 17 million quid.

Straight away she is on the phone to her lawyer.

I didn’t even know she had a lawyer.

Nikki’s solution is simple.

She wants half and OUT.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

26 Comments

    • Colin March 28, 2021
      Reply

      They never would have let you have this great haircut at the Vaughan

      • Dom March 28, 2021
        Reply

        indeed Colin – imagine the look on Pele’s face?

        • Amelia March 28, 2021
          Reply

          Lol if you were worth that much you would have more money than Tom as it says he has a net worth of £15 million

          • Dom March 28, 2021

            Tom Who?

  1. Eeshita March 28, 2021
    Reply

    That last line… Oh god… I’m laughing like psychopath and my mother is looking at me weird from across the room

    • Mashaal March 28, 2021
      Reply

      I’ve always questioned how people come up with net worths and whether they’re actually accurate or not- thank you for answering my question!
      It’s always nice to read blogs on Fridays from your Patreon and then reread them on Sundays and see the progression between the two
      You mentioned where you believe you stand on the ladder in terms of writing so can I ask where do you think you would stand on a ladder in terms of stand up comedy?
      Thanks for a great blog and have a great week xx

      • Dom March 28, 2021
        Reply

        A little higher I guess but not so high – albeit I would back myself to be capable of generating much more laughter than many of those above – and even some inexplicably near the very top. But such is life and deep down comics instinctively know the real pecking order when it comes to who is actually funny.

      • Susie March 28, 2021
        Reply

        But who needs money when you are being followed by @barackobama? Use the 17 quid and buy him lunch..that is true love!

  2. Matt March 28, 2021
    Reply

    Hey Dom!
    Just read this and burst out laughing at the comment: “ I have some serious searching to do. And questions to answer, like why the hell do I still have a mortgage?” haha!

    You didn’t tell us, did you get the column? Best, Matt.

    • Dom March 28, 2021
      Reply

      no word yet – the only certainty with my writing is that this blog will continue…

  3. AJ March 28, 2021
    Reply

    What, you mean we can’t believe everything we read on the internet?

    • Yuna March 28, 2021
      Reply

      Outro ótimo blog dom ,adora principalmente as dicas de autores e atores em que devo pesquisar .
      Espero que tenha uma semana linda a frente,você e sua família.voce e demais ☺️

  4. Lorraine March 28, 2021
    Reply

    Love it Dom right up there with the rich and famous. Mrs Holland may just bide her time in case there’s any more undisclosed millions lying around somewhere (with a famous thesis on MLK) delighted for you that there is such interest in your writing. I wish you all the best Dom. Have a good week ahead

  5. Ximena March 28, 2021
    Reply

    I really enjoy reading your blog all the Sundays!
    You are an amazing writer

  6. Sydney March 28, 2021
    Reply

    Comedy gold, Dom! I’m laughing so hard

  7. Sydnee Coleman March 28, 2021
    Reply

    Quick witted and lovely blog Mr. H, I couldn’t possibly fathom being worth that much you know I think it would set me on edge. So please tell me your secret to keeping a calm life and being so rich, lol.

  8. Gracee March 28, 2021
    Reply

    Wow this was really good, I loved it thank you

  9. Isabella Benz March 28, 2021
    Reply

    A great man once wrote me, “Happiness is relative”, and I believe fame has the same fate. It’s all relative nonsense. To me, you are one of the greats. I pour over your works and spend days contemplating their affects. To you…well, there’s the mortgage… but I would remember the ones that think of you a legend when you feel yourself as more of an average bloke that takes the bins out once a week like everyone else. Your humility is admirable, but remember to give yourself the credit you deserve too.

    • Dom March 28, 2021
      Reply

      that’s kind isabella and noted, fank you.

  10. Alice March 28, 2021
    Reply

    Love it! Nikkis put the work in she deserves half the money

  11. Susie March 28, 2021
    Reply

    But who needs money when you are being followed by @barackobama? Use the 17 quid and buy him lunch..that is true love!

  12. Pahola Gallagher March 29, 2021
    Reply

    I always feel like you only talk to me, hahaha it’s good to have something to read every Sunday and that my family looked strange to me, thanks for making me laugh

  13. Rachel March 29, 2021
    Reply

    I really enjoyed the blog this week!
    I love hearing writers talk about writing!
    Hopefully, things will keep turning in the right directions, and blogs/columns/screenplays will be taken up by the “big leaguers” or what not. Good luck!
    Looking forward to next week’s blog!

  14. Alejandra Bernal March 30, 2021
    Reply

    The truth is that I don’t think the chances are slim, your works speak for you and certainly you are a good writer.
    P.S. Nikki does the right thing haha

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