Who writes this drivel?

image1

Time used to be precious – but not right now, with many of us now having an abundance of spare time. During lockdown – each day is a challenge to get through, before at last, evening arrives and which too many of us seem to be spending with Joe Exotic and which will do nothing for our mental health.

Tedium rates are high. The news is full of only one story. Locked at home, people are struggling for motivation and for focus.

Lying in the bath yesterday and bored almost to delirium, I started to read the finer details of my shampoo bottle. It  does not make comfortable reading – and so I was fortunate to be lying in a relaxing bath.

The shampoo in question is Pantene Pro-V Silky & Sleek – one of the leading brands in the UK and I assume worldwide, since it is manufactured by the behemoth, Proctor & Gamble.

I can’t recall exactly, but I think that I bought this very shampoo from my local supermarket and I am struck now by my choice  – Silky & Smooth and I wonder, is this shampoo for people who already have Silky & Smooth hair? Or is it for people who wish to achieve Silky & Smooth?

Intrigued, I read on and in the smaller print below, I have my answer.

“For Frizzy, Dull Hair”

I am no hair expert – but I assume that frizzy and dull hair are unwanted characteristics. And if so, then this shampoo is able to transform frizzy and dull (unattractive) in to Silky & Smooth (attractive).

Wow. What a breakthrough.

Quickly I turn the bottle around, keen for more information on this miracle product.  Fortunately the manufacturers have provided some great further insights in to their wizardry.

“Gently cleanses while giving hair active Pro V Nutrients…”

This is highly reassuring for me to know that I am adding not only ‘active’ nutrients to my hair but of a Pro V variety. Pro V sounds clinical and technical. I wonder what it stands for? Pro Victory perhaps and presumably in the fight against the dreaded frizz.

The bottle goes on to explain…

“Provides silky smoothness & frizz control for hair prone to frizz or dryness.”

Hasn’t this already been covered?

But I guess with such a breakthrough as quelling frizz and providing ‘Silky Smooth’ – P&G can be forgiven for continuing to bang it's drum.

And on it goes…

For any people with hair that is frizzy and dry but who are still doubtful about what the efficacy of this shampoo and what it is capable of, the bottle goes on to provide in BULLET POINTS…

  • Fights roughness and controls frizz
  • Leaves your hair beautifully silky smooth
  • Leaves hair looking perfectly moisturised

Now, as a regular user of this premium family shampoo – I can honestly say that my hair has never felt ‘beautifully silky smooth’. In fact, I would say that my hair is more frizz than smooth but this is not a complaint because until my bath and having the time to really study my bottle of shampoo, this had never occurred to me.

Furthermore, I am not even sure if my hair looks perfectly moisturised as the bottle clearly states. It might be because they are jealous of course, but none of my friends have ever told me so – but this is probably a good thing. Indeed, if a mate does ever tell me that my hair looks perfectly moisturised, then I would probably recalibrate our friendship.

Not that I would do such a thing – but it is tempting just to see the look on the managers face in my local branch of Asda.

During this lockdown period, when the food retailers are the unsung heroes of the hour. Having to remain open and exposed and for scant regard. A hard-pressed store manager is called away from his office to deal with an irate customer with an unusual complaint.

Tired and frazzled, he stumbles on to the shop floor.  Ahead of him is a small balding man with dry/frizzy hair. In one hand he clutches a receipt and in the other, he holds a half empty bottle of his best-selling shampoo.

‘Yes sir, how can I help?’ The manager begins politely because the customer is always right!

‘Well…’ I begin. ‘You can start by answering whether or not you would describe my hair as Silky & Smooth…’

‘Er…’

‘Or how about perfectly moisturised?’ At this I might lean forward and encourage him to have a good rummage.

But I wouldn’t do this of course, because I understand that such writing and the spurious claims on a bottle of shampoo is all horse-shit. We are not supposed to read it and if we do, then we needn’t take it literally.

So why then did it so rankle with me?  Cabin fever from lockdown perhaps but I think something else is at play. Just why do we put up with this sort of nonsense?

I have long had a thing about non-jobs. By non-jobs, I mean jobs that if they disappeared completely, then no one would notice.

I have spent decades stringing words together – sometimes in to complete novels – which are absolutely supposed to be read but are largely ignored and yet the clowns who write this sort of garbage for Proctor and efffing Gamble are no doubt, highly paid for their efforts. Something like a ‘brand manager’ or some other non-job. And no doubt, some twatty designers are involved; posh kids covered in ink and working from a loft somewhere.

And isn’t my continuing dull and frizzy hair a demonstration of mis-selling? And aren’t we supposed to be protected from such malpractice by things called trade bodies?  And there we have it, trade bodies, non-jobs personified – the circle completes and why we must endure such unmitigated BS.

The irony being that the people who write this drivel are probably highly educated and most likely, expensively so. What a waste of money then and how depressing that this is what their talents stretch to.

I put a lot of non-jobs up there with the likes of Joey Exotic and like the rest of the world, I am hoping that he gets eaten.

 

 

 

 

BUY ONE OF MY BOOKS

BOOK ME FOR A LOCAL GIG

SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER

77 Comments

  1. Defne April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Hey Dom,
    I tried everything to connect you guys but i always failed. Can you guys dm me on my instagram account @sahindfn . I hope you do , love you guys stay safe

    • Gem April 5, 2020
      Reply

      Hi Dom,
      While I agree with you regarding non-jobs. I am left wondering… do you use conditioner? Have you ever asked Tom what shampoo and or conditioner he uses? Since Tom’s hair seems to have it’s own fandom. Keep up the blogs

      • Lisa April 6, 2020
        Reply

        My just tickled
        Makes you think about the little things that tend to go ignored.
        You’ve just make my quarantine days a little better

    • Julieta April 5, 2020
      Reply

      Hi Dom, It is really an excellent article, and I felt very identified regarding reading our shampoo bottles in each bathroom, free time is good, to take advantage of reading And the non-work is very successful, I completely agree .

    • Alaina Ruble April 5, 2020
      Reply

      That gave me a much needed laugh, you should go live stream everyone could use a dose of your humor. From an America who loves British humor thanks again!

    • MK April 6, 2020
      Reply

      I think I’ve always felt this way; no matter what the bottle claims to do, my hair never does what it says it will. I throughly wonder if they truly work for anyone? Aside from the baby shampoo I’ve used on my younger siblings I don’t think I’ve ever felt smooth and silky hair – but is that because babies’ hair is just so fresh and perfect or is that because of the tear free shampoo? I also have hit quarantine rock bottle and I spent way too much time mauling this over.

  2. Avery Wickersham April 5, 2020
    Reply

    So well-written! Your blog reminded me of a prompt I had in my Fiction Writing class this semester in which we were supposed to write a message on the back of a shampoo bottle. I think you’ll find what I wrote to be a bit similar to your blog:
    “This says 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, and body wash—but why stop there? Take this bottle with you to the sink! Make your dishes smell MANLY. Need to wash your car? Pump a little on a loofa and shine that baby down. You guessed it—your car will smell MANLY. Is your special lady friend always nagging you to mop the floor? Squirt this shit on the floor and go to town! Your floors will smell MANLY, and trust me, you’ll thank me later (wink, wink).”

    Thank you for sharing, and I look forward to more blogs 🙂

    • Raye April 5, 2020
      Reply

      This is the best thing I’ve seen all day. I often read the backs of my shampoo, conditioner and body wash bottles and it explains nothing just a few words repeated throughout the whole thing. I wish someone would make products that read ‘We have heard your pleas and are here to tell you what you’re really putting in your hair.’

      • Jodie Valentine April 6, 2020
        Reply

        I’m going to use this now if it’s that amazing the shampoo Has many jobs it’s can be used for it’s like coke pore coke in your car instead of oil go ahead need to clean you toilet pore a bottle down lol love you guys be safe during this virus ❤️

    • Jodie Valentine April 6, 2020
      Reply

      I’m going to use this now if it’s that amazing the shampoo Has many jobs it’s can be used for it’s like coke pore coke in your car instead of oil go ahead need to clean you toilet pore a bottle down lol love you guys be safe during this virus ❤️

    • Sarah April 6, 2020
      Reply

      This was highly entertaining. What books have you written?

    • Julieta April 5, 2020
      Reply

      It is really an excellent article, and I felt very identified regarding reading our shampoo bottles in each bathroom, free time is good, to take advantage of reading And the “non-jobs” is very successful, I completely agree .

      • Theresa April 6, 2020
        Reply

        ….and just as I was wondering how to fill my evenings you come up with a solution …. I’m off to the en-suite to read the toiletries!!! Genius Dom x

    • Kath April 5, 2020
      Reply

      And blog accompanied by 3 adverts for hair products! Who’s taking the piss…???

  3. Lorraine April 5, 2020
    Reply

    I totally agree with you about the drivel written in an effort to get us to buy products. I have frizzy, fine, curly hair and am still waiting for some fairy godmother to sort it out for me. Loved the podcast and blog today Dom good to see the boys join in too. Noticed all the ads throughout the blog are for hair products

      • Chris April 6, 2020
        Reply

        I have been using solid shampoo for two years, my hairs isn’t more beautiful but healthier for me and the planet

      • Yoki lim April 6, 2020
        Reply

        LOVE IT !!! THAT SOOO INTERESTING !!!!
        LOVE IT SO MUCH

  4. Defne April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Hey Dom,
    Ibtried eerthig to connect you guys but i always failed. Can you guys dm me on my instagram account @sahindfn. Love you guys, stay safe

    • Izkah Jawaid April 5, 2020
      Reply

      Oh my God .. I don’t know why but I enjoyed it alot… Thanks Mr. Holland.. for sharing with us such an interesting blog i must say… … Actually i read your blog first time… But now i think.. i should start reading all of your blog.. keep sharing with us…

  5. Sydnee Coleman April 5, 2020
    Reply

    As always it’s a pleasure to read your blog, Mr. Holland. I’m pretty sure my shampoo bottle says along the same phrase, yet I use suave, because it’s cheap. And my hair turns out quite fine, but now i’m curious, what does my bottle say that my hair should be like? I agree with what you were stating about non-jobs, I bet, no, I know that you could do better then that drivel. Also, how you so bluntly said “I’m hoping he gets eaten” made me laugh. I wonder if that makes me a bad person, huh?

    • Carolina April 5, 2020
      Reply

      Imagine my reaction when I read that a normal supermarket face cream brand promises to change your skin DNA… We’ll be well f*cked if just a cream can change our DNA aren’t we?
      You just have to be skeptical when buying cosmetics I guess.

      Love your blog Dom, I hope you and the family are taking this isolation time as well as possible.

  6. Anna Olsen April 5, 2020
    Reply

    This lockdown is really getting the best of us. Who would think reading a blog about hair shampoo would excite me. I am a licensed cosmetologist. And how companies promise all these things “if” you use their shampoo makes me laugh. Shampoo is not “one for all.” Just as we are all different. We all have different hair types. And so many outside factors play into our hair type. Genetics, medications, climate, etc.

  7. Pamela April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Thanks for the giggles while I read this! I use the shampoo my hairdresser recommends which is organic and seems to be doing a great job! Can’t say I have read the ingredients or even the directions! I just trust her judgement. I have not jumped on the “Tiger King” bandwagon! I don’t plan on it either! Finished our jigsaw puzzles which was loads of fun gathered around the table! Now we have been bitten by the need to do more puzzles bug! We have one we won’t be able to finish because Thor the dog managed to get a piece and eat it!! He had the look on his face like “did you need that”. We plan to frame them. I hope you had a chance to see them on Instagram! We did tag The Brothers Trust!! Just finished listening to your Facebook live! Thanks for answering my questions! I look forward to future podcasts, blogs and Facebook lives! Good health to the Hollands!!

  8. Deisi April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Hi Mr. Holland, are you sure there’s no “results vary” text printed in the smallest font somewhere there? Always love to read your blog, sir. Sending love for the Hollands all the way from Indonesia.

  9. Jessica April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Oh I enjoyed reading this! Good to know I am not the only one that has had this thought. You are a humorous man. I do have to tell you this is the only blog I have ever read. I do enjoy it. It helps occupy my time between preparing meals and taking care of babies. I look forward to reading more soon 🙂

  10. Cherryoak April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Firstly love the adds on this blog post are all shampoo related. Target advertising at its finest.
    Yes completely agree product design is more about the psychology of appeal and brand loyalty than anything else. Why else do some people reach for the higher priced tablets even though the product is exactly same as lower shop brand one (Martin Lewis batch code trick). It’s all to do with design and appeal. Bold statement filled with twiddle. Some products even pay extra for their location placement on shelf. Apart from ingredients and warnings backs just filler to make it look like it has important words of wisdom, basically a CV full of half truths.

    • Curly Girl April 5, 2020
      Reply

      Go sulphate free! Not saying that would help you in terms of the amount of bollocks written on your shampoo bottles, but may help in terms of frizz 🙂

  11. Paula C. April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Hi, Mr. Holland! I spent 40 minutes on Facebook live with you, it was a lot of fun, you answered some of my questions, but I have a few more left; I look forward to the next one.
    In quarantine, the only thing that didn’t cross my mind was you in a bathtub reading a shampoo, I thought you had another kind of readings hahaha.
    But, this blog is a clear example of how advertising and reputation can influence us in the products we use every day, without verifying their quality or if they do what they are promoted.

  12. David F. April 5, 2020
    Reply

    I completely agree with what you wrote! Anyway, thank you for share pieces of your life with us, I love this blog ❤

  13. I am that I am April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Pro V well V attracts high resistance and is actually a graven image so I advise change the shampoo reminds me I experienced something weird today my shampoo was done so I moved onto a another bottle but that bottle substance evaporated in my hair as if to trigger growth inside me opposites attract beware the attacks of the shampoo plus I don’t get on well with V its in the name Steven my name but its contained by ee which is a opposite the devil symbol and means protection I swear you not an eee spell I once transfigured a demonic wooden carven with the power of e but beware E that’s bad

  14. LizR April 5, 2020
    Reply

    I laughed out loud so many times on this one. So true, you have to wonder who gets tasked to the job of writing the “back cover” info for cosmetics, hahaha.

    I’d kind of like to know who comes up with names for some of the scents, particularly for men’s products. For items geared toward women you’ve got scents like lavender, powder fresh, strawberry, etc., while men’s shampoos and deoderants have you smelling like all kinds of non-scents: bear claw? wolf thorn? champion? pure sport? I’m not sure I want to be standing next to somebody who just on purpose made themself smell like pure sport.

    Hope you’re feeling better soon, and in the meantime, keep the blog posts coming!

  15. Frizz MASTER April 5, 2020
    Reply

    I totally understand this and it is such a pain! I have very curly hair and all the crap on shampoo and conditioner bottles is just that— crap. It’s also as if my hair has decided to be MORE frizzy during this quarantine which I guess is fine but still sucks… If you ever find a brand which does do what it claims, I hope you will update us. XD

    • Julia April 5, 2020
      Reply

      This happens, when men read things written for women, because who else will read this text on the shampoo bottle?! Some years ago when I was living with my parents in a small flat, I came home and saw my step dad napping in the living room which was quite unusual. He heard me and tried and tried to explain ” I am sorry, I took your body wash when I was in the shower.And it is written RELAXING on it. And now I got so relaxed that I literally can’t get up and go to my room.” And I was like “Really?! Can the body wash relax a 2 meter high man like this? I thought it was just nice tender smell”… So if you convince yourself that your hair gets moisturized than it will work for you. If not…Try another bottle with other text.We have many more days of lockdown coming.

  16. Bianca April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Hi,
    It’s a good reflection about shampoo, I will read my shampoo (and conditioner) in the next bath.

  17. Raye April 5, 2020
    Reply

    This is the best thing I’ve seen all day. I often read the backs of my shampoo, conditioner and body wash bottles and it explains nothing just a few words repeated throughout the whole thing. I wish someone would make products that read ‘We have heard your pleas and are here to tell you what you’re really putting in your hair.’

  18. Niki April 5, 2020
    Reply

    I’m just here to tell you that Tom forgot to put a link in his Instagram story again. He’ll fix it before you see this, probably.

    And also to recommend the Main and Tail shampoo (if it’s available in England??) and conditioner— it’s technically intended for horses but uh as someone with very very thick hair that tends to frizz I can attest to its abilities. It’s actually pretty popular with the other students at my uni because the mountain air can apparently cause dry scalps. Anywho!
    Happy Quarantine

  19. Sophie April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Hey Dom, loved reading that blogpost.
    Something I’ve always wondered what „normal hair“ is when they write that on a shampoo bottle. Like what is considered normal? And if it means that you have frizzy nor oily hair… who actually has the luck to have no problems with their hair.
    Also how does that 3-1 shampoo-conditioner-bodywash work since they are all supposed to do a different job.
    Hope you are feeling better since you mentioned in a previous blogpost that you felt unwell

  20. Bull Fattery April 5, 2020
    Reply

    What a lovely article indeed! The things we can come up with during the quarantine is outrageous! Ha! I wish a best luck and good health to the whole Holland family. Enjoy your time writing as always!

  21. Gabriela April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Hi Dom,

    I use the same shampoo and totally agree with you. I’m tired of believing on everything cosmeticsbsay. But I’m a little lost about your ideas. Do you really think that It’s a waste this non-jobs? If they are not in ours shampoos, we wouldn’t probably need different shampoos or different packaging.

  22. Juliette P. April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Good evening! Sorry no transition but: hahahahaha, oh my god, this is hilarious. I found this blog by chance on the internet, and the story literally made my (boring) day in France, where I’m from. I showed and translated this story to my mother, which uses pretty much the same shampoo for frizzy hair, and there’s the exact same amount of ridiculous details written on it but in french; and this made us laugh VERY much (been in quarantine for 3 weeks in here and for a lot more, nerves are put to a big test right now).
    We’ll keep following your blogs during the quarantine, hopefully it will help us with out fight against boredom. It will definitely help me with my english though, so many thanks from me

  23. Eliana April 5, 2020
    Reply

    I laughed a plenty of times. i’m from switzerland and try to improve my english. I was really amused about the word 《cabin fever》in swiss-german 《Lagerkoller》i learnd. Many thanks for this. I work im a pharmacie, so i don’t have cabin fever at all. But as a girl i absolutely know what you mean about the Pantene shampoos and agree with you about the non-jobs. I hope to read a lot of more from you. don’t let the 《Lagerkoller》 get you down.

  24. Tamara April 5, 2020
    Reply

    As a child I found the text on shampoo, showergel, air freshner etcetera quite interesting. In Holland these “descriptions” are printed both in Dutch and French. So for me it did have some purpose, teaching me some french words 🙂

  25. Eliana April 5, 2020
    Reply

    I laughet a plenty of times. I’m from switzerland and try to improve my english. I was really amused about the word: 《 cabin fever》in swissgerman/german 《Lagerkoller》. Learnd a lot of new words thanks to you. I work in a pharmacie so i don’t have cabin fever. But as a woman i absolutely know what you mean about the shampoo und agree with the non-jobs. I hope to read a lot of more from you and learn in a funny way more stuff. Don’t let the 《Lagerkoller》get you down.

  26. Alex April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Hi Dom,
    I personally think that what you said is very true. Powerful brands like Pandora use their popularity to not even satisfy their customers demands anymore. I think I have never seen a shampoo that was actually doing the job it was supposed to and reading your thoughts, I realized that I wasn’t alone in this situation and that it is a big problem in our society.
    Thank you for this pleasing moment of reading your words,
    Take care of yourself and your family

  27. mhc3 April 5, 2020
    Reply

    The truly efficacious nature of the ‘back-of-the-shampoo-bottle-sell’ can only fully be appreciated when one has read many a shampoo bottle as a young teenage girl, hoping said bottles would transform her hair to transcend all hair types and be both sleek & silky, voluminous & and bouncy, curly & wavy. Having spent a (not insignifiant) portion of her pocket-money on broken promises and unfulfilled dreams, she must, now as an adult, conclude that some ‘non-jobs’, such as brand manager are paid very appropriately, given the wish-fulfilment they offer their primary demographic, and the sales that ensue. However, that does not negate this now-woman’s agreement that it is all a load of bollocks.
    Yours truly,
    A woman with average hair who is not on lockdown (key worker) but bored anyway.

  28. Beth April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Ahh… Pantene. I do use this shampoo (but it depends on what’s in the house). I know that I have naturally curly hair but it always looks like a Hagrid wig. I’d imagine it’s because we have harsh water where I live but my friend asked me one day what hair stuff I use. When I told her “…I dunno… Pantene?” she near shot me! She instead told me I might as well wash my hair with detergent and melted plastic. To be honest, I use it anyway… It is relatively cheap and we can bulk buy.

  29. Coco April 5, 2020
    Reply

    This made my otherwise boring quarantined day! Thank you for writing 🙂

  30. Julia April 5, 2020
    Reply

    This happens, when men read things written for women, because who else will read this text on the shampoo bottle?! Some years ago when I was living with my parents in a small flat, I came home and saw my step dad napping in the living room which was quite unusual. He heard me and tried and tried to explain ” I am sorry, I took your body wash when I was in the shower.And it is written RELAXING on it. And now I got so relaxed that I literally can’t get up and go to my room.” And I was like “Really?! Can the body wash relax a 2 meter high man like this? I thought it was just nice tender smell”… So if you convince yourself that your hair gets moisturized than it will work for you. If not…Try another bottle with other text.We have many more days of lockdown coming.

  31. Nocturne April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Hmmm, as a daughter and older sister, the only problem we have with shampoo and conditioner is that our mum knows the products out hair needs and we hardly know the products. Certain hair really helps with it too as I (alongside family) tend to switch from head and shoulders to what they use in the salons as that’s common for us and me and my sisters hair react differently to the products. My mum likes to call our hair by names whenever we get ready for a party or special occasion as she calls my hair “ lively” due to it never staying put or staying the same shape for a long period of time like a little rascal and my sisters “ not as lively” as it stays in that form for a longer period of time as if it was a flower in a vase. The example used here is that, the shampoo or conditioner people use has different effects on people as the shampoo and conditioner was actually killing my sisters hair strands making that flower start to crumble slightly with every wash while it did the opposite effect on me, but with her new products which is more on the thicker hair side her hair hasn’t become more lively but it has been repairing itself as we both figured out then and there that we had to stay away from each other’s products even going as far as saying “ We ran out of coconut oil-“ “ I’m not getting your shampoo to cook with” and as much fun as is throwing remarks as usual, the hair is never really the same after using a product more than a week as you can repair it but you can’t fix it all the way.

  32. Jennie April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Embarrassingly, when I was in primary school, I used to make up my own songs in the shower, based on what was written on shampoo and conditioner bottles. So at least one person out there has always read shampoo bottle claims. 🙂

  33. Paul April 5, 2020
    Reply

    WOW! Isolation must really be taking its toll on you. So bad that your reading shampoo bottles. Whats next? Deodorants? Have you considered how many marketing professionals, writers, and scientists are needed to pitch deodorant to mass public consumers? Given we have options like Aerosol, Roll-On, Gel or Cream, Invisible, Solid, Crystal, Wipes, Scented or Unscented. And the all important: do i want a deodorant? Or an antiperspirant , or dual action!

    For my hair, i was raised on Head & Shoulders and have never deviated through my adult life. I tried to read the bottle, but to be honest, the print is just toooo small. Im sure it also adverts to make my hair shimmer, while controlling dandruff since it also is made by P&G . Shout out to the Green Apple variety – it truly does have a great smell.

    Excellent podcast this morning with 2 outta 3 sons. And not a single question about missing son #3 :). Though she looked VERY content on the sofa, i bet Tessa misses him – and vice versa

    Continued recovery to you and Mrs H

  34. Vienna April 5, 2020
    Reply

    Reading this was an absolute delight. My brother is a textbook editor and it felt like I was reading one of the longer messages he’s sent me. Thanks for the enjoyable article and the nostalgia.

  35. Stacy April 6, 2020
    Reply

    Hi Dom,

    I’ve never commented your blog before but I just wanted you to know that Procter & Gamble is not a cruelty free brand (aka they test on animals). Feel free to do your own research but I know your family is full of animal lovers so you might want to ditch the Pantene. It is also a terrible shampoo and a hairstylist once told me that it basically coats your hair in wax which is how they get it to look shiny. You’re likely clogging your pores with that shit.

  36. Mia April 6, 2020
    Reply

    Hey Dom, I am 14 and i naturally have the curliest, frizziest hair you can imagine. I don’t know how but i am the only person in my family with curly hair and everyone envies it and say “Mia i wish i had your hair” but they don’t understand the struggles of it, if i wash it i have to use a special shampoo and conditioner exclusively for curly hair and then a hair butter for the ends of my hair to control the frizz around the curls. Don’t even get me started on brushing it, if my hair is curly and i brush it then the frizz is real. I understand your struggles and although i love my curls, they make my life much more difficult. So if you ever need to complain about your hair and the struggles of taming it I can assure you i have PLENTY of time to talk.

  37. Jenna Greenspan April 6, 2020
    Reply

    fancy the frizzy hair? oh tom what is he saying ahahahaha btw love ur blogs

  38. Irish charm April 6, 2020
    Reply

    Enjoyed the read in these dire times and as a frizzy & wavy/curly haired woman, I’ve tried many shampoos and conditioners. Best recommendation is Frizz Ease by John Freida for curly hair. But if you want a cheaper option I’d go for Herbal Essences ‘Hello Hydration’. It doesn’t tame frizz but it keeps your hair soft, light and healthier ergo easier to tame. Thanks for the blogs, keep em up!

  39. Genevieve April 6, 2020
    Reply

    You may want to try an alternative to shampoo, or a sulfate/ paraben free shampoo. They strip the hair of its natural oils and leaves the hair dry and frizzy. Growing up, my curly hair was insanely frizzy, but I’ve been able to tame it with behemoth amounts of conditioner and natural shampoo alternatives. The hair might be super oily while your scalp adjusts to the change, but nobody’s going to notice during social distancing. Might be worth a shot to experiment!

  40. Paul O April 6, 2020
    Reply

    WOW! Isolation must really be taking its toll on you. So bad that your reading shampoo bottles and making an awesome blog trom it. Whats next? Deodorants? Have you considered how many marketing professionals, writers, and scientists are needed to pitch deodorant to mass public consumers? Given we have options like Aerosol, Roll-On, Gel or Cream, Invisible, Solid, Crystal, Wipes, Scented or Unscented. And the all important: do i want a deodorant? Or an antiperspirant , or dual action!

    For my hair, i was raised on Head & Shoulders and have never deviated through my adult life. I tried to read the bottle, but to be honest, the print is just toooo small. Im sure it also adverts to make my hair shimmer, while controlling dandruff since it also is made by P&G . Shout out to the Green Apple variety – it truly does have a great smell.

    Excellent podcast this morning with 2 of 3 sons. And not a single question about missing son #3 :). Though she looked VERY content on the sofa, i bet Tessa misses him – and vice versa

    Continued recovery to you and Mrs H

  41. Márcia Malaquias April 6, 2020
    Reply

    Hair with frizz doesn’t matter, the important thing is to have a foam bath and relax with a good wine
    Shampoo only serves to clean hair, use a good conditioner 🙂

  42. Rebecca Portillo April 6, 2020
    Reply

    This is literally the best piece of honest writing I have read all day, I was laughing so hard! (Now I’m curious about my own shampoo…).

  43. Audrey April 6, 2020
    Reply

    Hi there!
    In my opinion, the backs of shampoo bottles are only good for practicing my French (seeing as I can’t go to college and practice with real people anymore).
    I’m not a professional but I do work in a salon as a receptionist so I know a few more things than your average person. Here’s the advice I would give a customer if they came “tired and frazzled” into my salon:
    Use professional product! I switched a few months ago and I won’t be going back to Pantene.(when this quarantine is over) get frequent haircuts. The frizzyness could be caused by split ends which can only be cured by a cut!
    You could always buy some coconut oil and put it in before you shampoo which will give you some natural moisture.
    I hope this helps and I hope your family stays happy and healthy!

  44. Croix April 6, 2020
    Reply

    Heyy so I’m black and therefore my hair doesn’t “smooth” but I have tried products that reduce frizz and tighten my curls, but products like those are usually for women’s hair, and are quite sparse at the moment. Any help with that?

  45. Sara April 6, 2020
    Reply

    You think shampoo is bad? Next time you’re watching commercial TV – just listen to the make-up ads …. absolutely full of “marketing b*ll*cks”, as my husband and I call it! And, having seen it live last year – there’s nothing wrong with your hair ….

  46. Faaiz April 6, 2020
    Reply

    I would use Pantene. It took care of my hair a lot. On camera tho, my hair appears differently everytime. It goes from smooth ash brown to rough pitch black. It’s weird how my hair works lol

  47. JB April 6, 2020
    Reply

    Enjoyed Reading as my mind apparently works like yours and I too suffer from this dreaded malady having called myself Greg Brady in the past.
    In the before time I always asked for thinning of my hair that helps but that was BC or before Covid

  48. Ali muslih April 6, 2020
    Reply

    Best article ive ever read!although i do not have a frizzy hair,its quiet beneficial during the lock down.the product i usually use was pantene but since everybody is panicking to buy all the essentials they need i couldnt find anymore products.i used to have a habit of reading the back of bottles before or after showering.its new to me going to secondary school of my parents choice instead of mine.all of my motivation all my friendship is gone but i know its for the good of me to be a man and a grown adult,so ive tried my best to find even the simplest articles to motivate or cheer myself to be a grown man myself.

  49. Doug April 6, 2020
    Reply

    If you enjoyed that bit of light reading, you should give Purple Shampoo and Colour Rescue/Revive/Maintenance products. All complete crap (unless you want to turn your tediously bleached follicles violet and uncooperative, of course). Would love to see a series of you destroying the cold, cruel and callous underworld of beauty product bullshitters

  50. Hendrina April 8, 2020
    Reply

    Hello, Sir. How are you?
    Well..
    First of all, as far as I specifically understood that shampoo is for “unruly” curly hair, that mean, if you have dry, damaged or dull curly hair (out of control), the chemical properties of the shampoo will help curls become manageable (an example would be Harry’s hair).
    For straight hair, you need to use one for them or it won’t “work the same”, it might even curl it up a bit.

    And, well, regarding the latter.
    I dare to believe that we live in a time when most of the really important and interesting things, that make great contributions, are undervalued.

    There are talented people who can write (for example) great things, but they are in the shadows of those who are awarded for doing things that in the end do not interest much.

    However, even if they are not highly recognized (those who deserve it), There are a very good number of people who know how to value what is important, so all is not lost and in due course the balance should tip to the right side ^^

  51. Regina April 13, 2020
    Reply

    So my cousin has worked for Proctor and Gamble for years. Got the job straight out of college. About 14/15 years ago, he was working on their Pantene products and was (presumably) responsible for all the drivel that shows up in their advertising. He’s since moved on to other products (he did a stint with Old Spice for a while). But I can tell you he made/makes outrageous amounts of money for coming up with some advertising ideas and driveling words. It was quite cathartic for me to read this post.

    • Dom April 13, 2020
      Reply

      he might make a fortune but can be sleep? Ask him

      • Regina April 15, 2020
        Reply

        I’ll drop the question casually into conversation when I see him for our grandma’s 90th…..(after the lockdown of course)

Leave a Reply to Paul Cancel Reply