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Why me?

Regular readers of this blog will know that I am a man who struggles with life and is often at odds with the world. What I mean by this, is that it feels as though things conspire against me. Technology is a good example. As wonderful and liberating as it is, it just doesn’t work for me. On a train, I can’t get a signal whilst sitting next to people face-timing cousins in Australia or watching a movie. Speaking of televisions, I can’t even turn mine on these days. Apps don’t open. Calls are dropped. Messages appear and then just evaporate…

Domestic life too. I spend approximately half of any given day looking for things. Things that have mysteriously moved. We have phone chargers which are literally mobile and scissors that like to play hide n’ seek.

And animals too are adding to my torment and I am afraid that my dog, Tess is a fully paid up member of this insurgency.

Odd socks are a problem for any family of a certain size. In the Holland household, it is depressing that I am unable to buy socks quickly enough to replenish our family sock drawer. Last night, on my way to a salubrious charity event in Mayfair with a raft of celebrities and very wealthy people (I am neither) – on the train, I noticed that I was wearing odd socks. One navy, one black but in the gloom…

Tess is a major contributor to my living sock hell – deriving enormous pleasure by making off from a bedroom with sock in mouth and heading for the garden. The same applies to shoes, football boots, trainers (sneekers) and anything else that comes in pairs.

I mentioned earlier an animal conspiracy and so allow me to introduce friendly Mr Fox and his extended family.

Our neighbour keeps a very tidy front garden – but oddly, for his back garden he takes inspiration from the film Tarzan – which it transpires is an ideal habitat to our other neighbours, The Fox family.  Whilst the Foxes enjoy the safety provided by the jungle canopy, they obviously feel constrained by the lack of space to run about in which explains why the next door garden (mine) acts perfectly as their over-night playground and toilet.

And what fun they have, especially so since the next door dog (Tess) kindly provides them with toys for them to play (destroy) most recently a brand new football boot which never got to see any game-time.

The other morning, I couldn’t find my slippers.

Having exhausted all the obvious places in our wretched house, I feared the worst. Tess averting eye contact and me more generally is a big clue.

And sure enough, there they were… in the garden. Where they have been all night and no doubt, providing hours of fun for Foxy Loxy and his happy little brood.

Both slippers are beyond repair. Puncture marks all over them both. The top of one slipper has been ripped apart and then for their finale…

The reality to me is glaringly apparent but this photograph does not do justice to their insult – although if you look very carefully, there are clues. On the left slipper are two flies and the air around the slippers is thick with them.

No prizes for guessing what attracts flies more than anything else…

Yes people, you’ve guessed it.

The fox has done a shit in my slipper. A more brazen gesture of contempt I cannot imagine.

I am about to publish this post and in doing so, I will establish whether or not my neighbour reads my blog.

I will keep you posted.

Comment below with examples of your own personal tortures and crosses that you bravely, bear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

69 thoughts on “Why me?”

  1. My cross is not as expensive but it is highly irritating. My roommates large, lazy and most of all.. extremely gluttonous cat sneaks into my room to eat my perfect Penguin’s food – although it’s frustrating as is for the queen of overeating to come eat my cat out of house and home.. it’s more irritating that she has a sensitive stomach and promptly vomits up said snacks daily making a lovely mess for me to clean up. It’s my hell and like Sisyphus I will continue to push this boulder until the end times come for me.

    1. Hahaha I feel your pain in that my cat also has a sensitive stomach and instead of eating his (expensive) hypoallergenic prescription diet will eat the dog’s food or steal from the counter while I’m cooking, then lo and behold leaves me nice little vomit piles (my bed seems to be a favorite place of his). Wish you luck with this ongoing battle ✊

    2. I once had five cats. And let me just make this very clear that having five cats in a one bedroom flat is NOT a good idea. I loved them dearly and they were well behaved too, for the most part. They’d always share their food and space. But then they’d find random pieces of paper – from newspaper to my coursework I worked my butt off for – and tear them into tiny pieces.
      One day, I came home to find my entire living room decorated with torn notebooks and paper. Not to mention, I could only find one of the five furry devils and she meowed at me innocently. And then proceeded to hide behind her paws. So yeah, domestic animal torture.

    3. My struggle at the moment is that my body is falling apart before my eyes. I bent down to pick up my dogs squeaky toy the other day, and my back gave out. Now at the tender age of 25 I did not expect this to happen for at least another 10 years…
      If I ever manage to book one of your shows, I’ll remember to bring a pack of socks for you!

  2. I laughed a lot reading this (not in a cool way) cause I can feel your drama. I have 5 dogs who love to make me spend money on socks as well, and recently they decided to torture me a little more developing a taste for All Star sneakers (I have a collection) and plants. And if I give them a lecture about that, they pee on the sofa. But I love them anyway. As much as I love reading your blog. Love from Brazil ❤

  3. Honestly this was the most hillarious thing I have read in a long time, but I feel you.. whenever I buy electronics it’s a fifty/fifty chance if they work or not..
    And everything seems to dissapear.. in a 3 bedroom apartment (I am quite sure the couch is covering an actual black hole) curtesy of my daugthers

    1. Ah, see, at this point I’ve given up entirely on ever successfully matching my socks. It’s much more fun to mismatch them anyways– I quite like wearing a polka-dotted blue sock on one foot and a striped green one on the other. Besides, it’s not as if many people take notice– and if they do, well, it’s a conversation starter!! Embrace the socky chaos, Dom.

  4. Our I hear you loud and clear everyone even my 7 year old finds technology amazing, making life easier, not me, me and technology don’t get along at all l find the simplest tasks hard and l get so frustrated at myself ” why do others get it so easy, yet l struggle” other than that l have a long list, oh and we also have a pair thief in our house he is a beaglier by the name of Archie and if takes a soccer boot, sick or slipper you can honestly right it off because you are never getting it back l think one of my things that honestly drives me crazy is gardening l don’t know what l do but I can never do it right, you know how there is plants that you just can’t kill well clearly they haven’t meet me l could kill an artificial plant, l always start with good intentions but then unfortunately it’s all down hill from there I am lucky if they survive the week
    Would be great if you could please read my message l sent you to Dominic ♥️

  5. We have a cat, and she takes a liking to a different bed in the house every month or so, and coming with that is the looming day when she is sick (a few months a apart) all over the duvet, only for us to not realise for a few hours until she comes down looking guilty and runs outside! Followed by trips to the laundrette, a week or so of shutting her out of the rooms to prevent it from happening again, until we forget and the cycle begins again!

    1. Never really understood cats myself and I say this, realising how contentious this is. But its dogs for me – all the way. Different strokes for different…

      1. I like cats because they can (mostly) look after themselves, and can be left home alone! Dogs take a lot more thought and time to look after! I love all animals, I do love a cute dog! Tess is such a lovely one!

  6. Goodness Dom, your poor slippers! I struggle with technology too, we’ve got an Amazon Fire Stick and the amount of times that we have lost and dropped that remote is embarrassing. It always goes down the side of the sofa or under the sofa too. Once, my cousins who are 7, 6 and 2 came to stay, after they left we couldn’t find the remote, an hour later we get a call that it “fell” in one of their bags, got it back 2 weeks later to find we have to get new batteries for it to get it to work! Technology is very confusing and frustrating, I will spend so long trying to figure out a piece of software and still not understand how to use it!!
    I hope this week goes well for you and that no foxes poo in any more of your shoes in courtesy of Tess.
    From,
    Ellen xxxx

    1. we have the apple remote taped to a massive wooden spoon – of course it ruins the sleek beauty of the thing – but I like this – its my two fingers to the designer twats who think to design a remote that is so eminently losable

      1. That’s a good idea. I’ll try that! I think the remote designers like to go by the trend of having something small and lightweight, not realising that they’re losable, stupidly.

  7. My family adopted a Westiepoo (Westhighland Terrior and Poodle mix) puppy back in February and this dog is probably the most destructive one we’ve ever had. He has this fascination with ripping up absolutely anything he can get his little mouth on, preferably his disposable training pee pads he had for a while there to potty train him.
    We leave to run errands and come home to toilet paper trails all upstairs, shredded to pieces. The problem is that before we leave he’s put into a play pen that he’s not supposed to be able to get out of , but he does somehow strategically climb the fence. I could go on with all of the shenanigans this little pouch gets himself into. Dare I say he’s the dog from hell but we all love him to pieces.

  8. My cat puts things in his water bowl. Apparently it’s something cats do sometimes when they really like a particular thing and want to keep it safe: their food area is their “domain” so it’s like taking something home and putting it away for safe keeping. Usually it’s his toys which I find absolutely adorable, but sometimes he decides I’m not keeping my own belongings “safe” enough and takes it upon himself to do it for me. I keep a running list tacked to the fridge: a phone charger, my hairbrush, lots and lots of socks, a birthday card, several pens… He also likes to get the mail off the floor after the mailman drops it in the slot while I’m at work, so I’ve gone paperless with as many bills as I can, but often come home to soggy ads and flyers.

  9. I don’t know if you’ve watched Fleabag or not, but this post just reminds me of the priest so much. Perhaps a new career venture? x

      1. I think if it was something funny, those little ones are a ball of love and energy, my dog with seeing a bag or hearing that it opens is already sitting at the table waiting for food hahaha I think they are somewhat conditioned by pavlov ‍♀️❣

  10. I have a dog. (dachshund) he once broke my mother’s leather boots, they could not be made anymore. and he has a hand to dig out the plants in the garden. having a dog is nice if they don’t break anything, but on the other hand it’s also funny again.

  11. Ahh our pets… We have a much loved pit bull mix, white with brown spots, same stocky build as Tessa. He is the most gentle, loyal, and smartest dog we’ve ever had. He was our baby before children and now he is almost 12 years old. He has arthritis and is covered with fatty tumors that the vet says to leave alone. As we have experienced with our other geriatric dogs, they start acting weird in their old age. Losing footing on hardwood floors out of nowhere! Lately he has decided to fall asleep upstairs at the foot of the children’s bed and then every night precisely at 12:30am I hear him clip-clop slowly down the wood stairs and come settle in our room. On several occasions he has slipped coming down the stairs and bumped down the rest of the way on his belly. I am terrified he is going to break a leg. So now, at 12:30 every night he stops at the top stair with a loud tap of his claws and waits for me to wake up so I can follow him down the stairs to make sure he makes it safely. It seems ALL my children keep me up at night!

  12. I love the ides of Tessa and the fox family working together as a team against you. Very funny!

    My main cross to bear recently is our 4 year-old Maine Coon cat who has suddenly decided that he needs to sit on EVERYTHING in our home: computers, television, smaller cats, everything. And since he weighs over 20 pounds (but doesn’t realize it), he’s been destroying our belongings. This morning alone he’s crushed a laundry rack and smashed my tomato plant.

    We love our pets, but sometimes they drive us insane!

        1. And they’re supposed to be lowering our blood pressure, right? I feel like between my two dogs, three cats, rabbit, parakeets, etc., I should be in a coma by now. Nope. Too busy dealing with their shenanigans, hahaha.

    1. Now that is a cat I’d like to see! Mines half the size and loves sitting on stuff she shouldn’t, and going behind the tv and such! She terrifies me!

  13. I can so relate. Last night I was folding the dreaded sock basket. Of course, there were tons of mismatched socks! I can’t throw them away because I am determined to locate them! Who am I kidding, I will never find them. Now Dom, haven’t you heard that there is a new craze that wearing mismatched socks is the new thing! I’m a teacher and that’s what the kids are doing at my school. Not sure how it got started, I think it’s just because they too, can’t find the matching sock. You would fit right in!! We have 2 dogs in our home. A westie, thankfully never chewed or destroyed objects in the house. Our mini Australian Shepherd on the other hand, will chew and destroy whatever he can get ahold of. His favorite is chewing sneakers! Everything has to be up and out of reach or he will find it and destroy it! We adore him anyway! Thank you for the laughs, even though I’m sure it wasn’t funny at the time!

  14. Well, let’s talk when you start having small kitchen appliances go missing (the waffle maker, pizza cutter, bottle opener, coffee mugs, etc). Although, I am suspicious that they were disposed of by one of 4 naughty children who have “accidentally” broken them. By the way, I refuse to buy another waffle maker. They’ll just have to deal with pancakes or french toast from here on (oh the horror ).

  15. I am the tech head in the family & it’s a title I take with pride. However, I earned the title by almost throwing several computers out the window &/or resisting the urge to take a Louisville Slugger (Baseball bat) to them. There is also the 2,000 years I’ve spent calling tech support which I owe my knowledge to because after awhile you get things on your own. My first computer was a Macintosh artist currently known as Mac or Apple. Their crash system involved a white square error with a message & had a bomb symbol in the right hand corner of the square. The message told you you’re screwed six ways from Sunday. The essay for school you were working on that you didn’t save, gone. Playing a game & you’re almost done or barely started playing, poof, you’ve had to much fun. My dad inputting information on his work website & then poof, got to restart. It didn’t matter what you were in the middle of because if that bomb popped up, you were done for & whatever you had going on went bye bye. Also in the category of thievery & animal chaos, my dog Jazz has torn more socks than I count & his masterpiece was running down the hall with his paws splattering mud everywhere. It had just rained & he decided to become a mud monster. I didn’t think my mom could move that fast. She hang up her phone call & set her wine down within milliseconds of each other & then grabbed him before he hit the living room carpet. He was almost there before my mom made the play of the day & snatched him up. As much chaos as animals bring, I can’t imagine the family without them. Just like parents, siblings and friends you forgive the odd/bad behaviors. You look past the quirks & troublesome acting out because you love them & they forgive you if you have to throwaway the destroyed toys or favorite whatever’s!~!

  16. This blog entry cracks me up. I suppose my hubby can relate to the affliction with technology. He’s always frustrated with something he says is wrong with his phone. I don’t think he appreciates me telling him it’s more likely user error and not the phone. But his main issue is he has a tendency to totally ruin phones. Usually by running them over by some piece of heavy equipment. This year it was a fully loaded semi-truck. The phone still worked though even though the screen was cracked all over. However, we couldn’t replace the screen without ruining the motherboard. So I bought him a new phone for his birthday in June. Two months later one of the daughters helped him get contacts and everything transferred over. Two days later he forgot it was in his pocket and went swimming. That was a new record. We had to transfer everything back to the old phone with the cracked screen. A new phone is waiting for him again. Not sure how long it will take to 1) get his info transferred over and 2) how long this phone will last.
    As far as critters in the yard- I was calling this summer The Great Squirrel Wars of 2019. The neighbors behind us had been feeding the squirrels peanuts but the neighbors beside us complained about the peanut shells so they stopped. It seemed to make the squirrels that nest in our tree total hangry heathens. They’ve torn up a table cloth, torn up and stole stuffing out of a patio chair cushion and then the same to a pillow, they try to drop apples on me when I’m under the apple tree and they eat about half an apple and drop them all over the place, they also get into our garage and eat the chickens’ sunflower seeds. I did find a sock on the roof this week. We’ve lived here over 20 years now and it’s the first time we’ve had issues like this with the squirrels. Usually they just torment the dogs risking their lives running across the lawn. I threw a lightweight plastic ball at the offending squirrel and hit in the head twice and it was totally unfazed. Just looked at me like “So what?”

  17. I’d show this blog to convince my mother to get a dog, but it will end up in her vehemently refusing once again. But yes, it is one of the most funniest things I have read all day! Totally made what’s left of it better.

  18. Not only has my, nearly, 9 year old lab mix decided that “let’s go potty” now means “let’s go bark at the wind”…she has also decided that she can now poop where she wants. Including inside. This is not the case.

    …otherwise, my brother has taken to stealing MY socks. I am very much a female, with much smaller feet. And thus, my already mix-matched socks are slowly, but surely, mix-matched in the size department, too. Alas.

  19. I laughed so hard reading this-the trials we go through with our beloved animal friends! We’ve set ourselves up for failure with both a puppy and a cat roaming our house. When they get started we littarly have to hang in to our cups of tea – they knock over everything in their path.

  20. I feel as though you were describing my life in this post! I now rely on my 17 y/o and 12 y/o to figure out my “smart tv” for me every damn day..the fur child in the house, a golden retriever named Luna, has a love for socks and mittens. Every spring we find all of the missing mittens as the snow melts. Today as I was working in the garden I found my compression socks ($100/pair) buried By the roses! That dog is lucky she’s cute..

  21. Loved this blog post!
    It made me grateful that we don’t have foxes as garden guests, as my 2 delightful (said with intense sarcasm) JRT that we affectionately refer to as Jack Russell Terrorists (we may also use a few other choice words at times lol), have quite the penchant for rolling in fox poo! They seem to think it is literal Eau de Toilette. I couldn’t cope with the inevitable daily doggy baths lol.

  22. Dear Mr. Holland,
    Yet again another great blog- serves as an amazing enjoyment to read at the end of the day.
    Losing things- the bane of our existence. Everyone in my family is always misplacing their glasses, phone or keys. I’ve gained the reputation as the “locater” in my house, count on me to find anything once lost. With a quick sweep I can usually find just about anything- as long as it did not actually grow legs and walk out the front door (my biggest tip- things tend to hide in plain sight)
    As for your dog, with a quick google search I have found her and I have to say that might be the cutest dog I have ever seen. If only my apartment building would allow pets. She seems quite worth the trip and cost of buying another pair of slippers if you ask me. Seems like a delightful addition to your home!
    Keep up the great blogs.
    Best regards,
    Shaina D

  23. We (me and my family) don’t allow our dog into the house, she lives in a yard big enough to contain her and three female cats. So she took it upon herself to dig various things into the ground and she does it all the time.

    Which would be okay if she didn’t have the unfortunate habit of including food in her buried treasures. Which, as food so often does, naturally rots in the ground. And when she digs it out and spreads it all across the pavement… Well, you can probably imagine the lovely sight (and smell).

    As for our cats, they love to jump on us when we least expect it. And they obviously seem to think they get bonus points for jumping as high as possible (shoulders and the top of our heads being the most coveted target). (They’re lovely and cuddly otherwise, though.)

    Walking through the yard has therefore become an exercise in warfare for we have to avoid not only rotten food but also cats ready to hunt us down. That being said, if they were in the house, I think I could probably repeat your sock and slippers story. Oh, the things we do for our beloved and insane pets. 😀

    1. I have hamsters. One black and white beauty called Melora had a thing for chewing my clothes. Particularly knickers. One evening she went for a walk round the house… and went missing. I was getting ready to go out, and went to the drawer to retrieve said underwear, and this black and white head pops up through a massive hole in a rather expensive pair. She even had shreds of it in her mouth. “Mel!” I screamed
      She just looked at me as if to say”well you let me out!” And continued chewing the knickers. Absolutely shameless. She’s long gone, but I miss her lots. Pets,eh?

  24. Dominic,
    I can really relate to your struggles with Tessa. We had a long haired dachshund named Fudgie, very cantankerous breed those weiner dogs, and he had several ways of letting us know he was displeased with us (pooping in shoes, shredding legs of furniture, peeing on the expensive rugs, never the cheap ones etc) and the final straw was that he was threatening to visitors to our home.
    So- We hired a dog behavior specialist..very highly recommended..very expensive .. and the specialist said that Fudgie had “a Napoleon complex” and to correct this we had to show him he was important to us and that we were the boss of him by having him with us at ALL TIMES , on a leash beside us. Yes, bathroom with Fudgie, meals with Fudgie Everything with Fudgie for several weeks. After this time he was much more agreeable, allowing people to pet him, not pooping unless we told him to, no shredding.
    It was a miracle.
    Not.
    You can probably guess that this new Fudgie disappeared as soon as he was no longer always with us on leash .
    The specialist suggested we get a different breed of dog next time.
    True experience. Can’t make this stuff up.
    Thanks for your blog!

      1. I had a little giggle, sorry Dom as they say dont work with animals and children yet we seem to fall in love by having them or adopting them and end up in such a pickle.

        Our mix Jack Russell had never been a menace. I guess we got lucky, he just loved to run away that he had to be constantly on a leash, he thought running after him was a game that he played with the children. Was terrifying as he would run like a bullet, ears in aerodynamic fashion, even crossed the road, thank god no cars were passing at that time. I am just constantly covered in dog hair. As he now has us carrying him, due to his bent leg and heart murmur. Hes getting old but we love him dearly.

        Your tech problems remind me of my friend who is more tech geek than I am. My daughter comes home from playing with his kids saying mummy why dont we get google? (5year old more tech savvy). To which I ask why would we need it and what does she expect it to do? I ask my friend what he uses it for.. to turn on the lights! A week later am I collect my daughter after work to which they are there constantly saying “google lights 100%”, of course there is some connector problem. With me laughing at the background saying there is a switch the thing on the wall you walk up too?! I grew up loving technology, and got older loving the simple life.

        Oh regarding socks… if your losing them in the wash… grab yourself a underwear wash net bag. Put smalls inside like socks and no more machine lost socks! Cant help though if Tessa keeps taking them.

        Good luck!

  25. Your blogs just bring things home to me! And yes dogs and socks are a factor. Deep winter and my 3 grandsons have a box of single socks which their Mom and I cannot figure out where the mates are. Come spring and thaw of the snow covered back yard we discover the boxer puppy has been eating socks and leaving us brightly colored gift wrapped in twisted sock poohs all over. Yes so kind of him ….

  26. It’s always the footwear, right? One of my two dogs always goes for the shoes and slippers to the point that my daughters’ friends now know that if they take their shoes off when they visit, we need to put them up on the hallway table so Roxy doesn’t get them. Both of my dogs are also weirdly obsessed with empty toilet paper tubes, and my god if you leave a tissue unattended or there’s one sticking a little bit out from under the trash can lid? (because please, there can be no open trash cans in our house, especially in the bathrooms, hahaha). So I kind of just leave the little cardboard tubes out “by accident” so they’ll find them and think they got something forbidden and maybe leave my slippers alone.

    As far as my personal crosses, though, I have to admit, it’s really my own brain. It can remember the lyrics to a song I haven’t heard in twenty years, but how many times do I have to walk back down the stairs to remember why I went upstairs to begin with? And yes, I absolutely say yes when my doctor asks me if I exercise regularly, because running up and down the steps thirty times a day for stuff I forgot totally counts.

    Okay, and the socks. I’ve got the sock problem too. My family’s clean socks now fill a tall laundry basket, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve literally been washing and wearing the same three pairs of mine for the past two weeks just so I can avoid dumping that basket and getting started. I pull them out of the dryer as soon as it’s done and throw them in my drawer.

    Thanks for the laughs, I love your blog!

  27. Hahahaha I know how it feels, my dog ​​is always peeing at the bottom of the fridge.
    Love your blog! Love from Brazil! ❤️

  28. Love our pup but she has claimed most of our little ones stuffies as hers. She favors the ones that look like her, white and fluffy. She also has a taste for socks and has found the time to ingest them. I promise we watch her and have a baby gate preventing her from going upstairs but she manages to find them. Thankfully they are small socks and we never know until she has her bathroom time how many she had eaten. We went most of the summer having no remote for our downstairs television and it was finally found in a dollhouse.

  29. My dad’s cross which I find entertaining is keeping the dogs out of the vegetable garden. My dog is very athletic and can clear couches and arm chairs in one leap (we should have named her Hopper instead of Elsa).
    The year I adopted her my dad built my mom 2 big planter boxes to start a vegetable garden. That year we did not harvest any vegetables because my dog has a black hole for a stomach. The next spring my dad erected a little fence to keep my dog out. That was when we found out my dog (now fully grown) has mad hops. He would add chicken wire to the fence and she would jump it so he’d add a bit more. When it was finally too high for her to jump she’d find gaps to squeeze through which my dad would block only for her to find another. At one point she even learned to open the gate.
    Last summer my dad finally kept her out (she is now 4 and lived in this house her whole life) only for my mom to get a tiny Pomeranian at the end of the summer who can squeeze through anything. While little Simba does not have Elsa’s ferocious appetite he still manages to take a good chunk of the vegetables (which he also brings out to share with Elsa because he is a loving little brother).
    My dad has finally given up this summer. He told my mom he’ll build her something new next year.

  30. Hello Dom! The only thing that has happened to me is that my Golden Retriever and German Shepherd, with all their paws covered by mud, entered to the house and dirty the entire floor :(. Besides, my next dog neighbor leave his poop every day on front of my house.
    And even more disgusting, one week ago my dogs killed a typical animal here that is similar to an armadillo, I guess you can’t imagine that smell…
    Well, thank you for reading me and greetings from Venezuela!

  31. I totally feel you on the sock hell. I have to go out and buy a new thing of socks almost every month cause my little dog will go and grab them and roam the house with them only to either never be seen again or found later on her training pad or stuffed in the couch or under it as if to hide it.

  32. Dom, I truly feel your pain. I raised four boys as a single mom. I gave up on trying to match socks, instead tossing all of their socks in a basket and letting them sort them out. Once every couple of weeks I would go through and do the “match or toss” useless exercise and buy a new 10 pack of crew socks, rinse and repeat, ad infinitum. I started getting desperate, when for some reason only known to my boys, my socks started going missing. It didn’t matter if they were small for them. AHA, I think I’ll just buy pink and pretty socks. I caught my 6’4″, size 15 shoes wearing shoes, wearing my pink socks. I quit, lol.

  33. I feel your pain, Dom.
    Even though my dog doesn’t take things outside, as he doesn’t make it that far. He does like to take our socks, shirts, and undergarments for a time of their life.
    Why buy toys, when there’s perfectly good socks to play with. Haha.
    Love from Texas!

  34. I once had my dog eat my English homework. No lie, she really did. I was in second grade at the time, and my teacher was very strict, and when I had to explain where my homework was, and she ended up calling my parents because she didn’t believe my dog actually ate it! However, my parents knew.

  35. My dog for the first year of her life surprised me by destroying the Christmas tree, the porch swing, a pack of ciggs a week, a tv remote, an ottoman, various dvds as well as the carpeting in the entire apartment.

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